The Tyee – Ten Ways Ryder Hesjedal Changed Canada Forever

Photo by flowizm, Creative Commons licensed.

We’ve been quiet all week while we’ve been trying to digest, analyze and pontificate (very seriously…we might add) the magnitude of the Ryder Hesjedal victory at the Giro. Lawrence was even working on some hair-brained calculations that were comparing Hesjedal’s style of win to the Indurain technique (protect in the mountains and then win time in the TT). However, all of Spain and I would have lost it if he made such an absurd claim….so that idea hit the trashbin. Turns out, The Tyee has already done a cultural investigation about how Hesjedal’s victory just may upset the balance of Italian-Canadian relations, and their analysis is as golden as the Trofeo Senza Fine. We’ve included a few of the particularly humorous anecdotes from Steve Burgess:

“This week Victoria’s Ryder Hesjedal won the Giro d’Italia, Italy’s most prestigious bicycle race. Naturally there will be consequences. Some possible ramifications:

  1. The international cycling success of Ryder Hesjedal will popularize the long Canadian tradition of utilitarian naming. Just as Tim Horton’s destiny was set the moment his parents named him after a doughnut chain, Ryder Hesjedal’s path was set from birth. From “Boom Boom” Geoffrion to “Prime Minister” Harper, properly-labelled Canadians never doubt what is expected of them. Now the world will take approving note.
  2. Although Hesjedal’s victory will increase the global prestige of Canadian cyclists, it will unfortunately blacken the reputation of Canadian spelling.
  3. Acclaim for Hesjedal’s success will combine with popular misconceptions about Canadian strategies to revolutionize cycling. Italian, Spanish, and Dutch cyclists will be instructed in the slew foot, the can opener, and the best method for pulling the sweater over your opponent’s head.
  4. Convinced that Canadians must be the best at everything, Italians will throw out all their previous ideas about cuisine and start serving spaghetti with cheese curds and gravy. Also: maple lasagna.
  5. Molson’s, Labbatt’s and Moosehead will be added to the list of banned substances.”

Head on over to the Tyee to read the final five ways, and stay tuned to CBC for updates as Canada sends David Lloyd Johnston and Stephen Harper over to Rome to smooth things over with Monti and Napolitano.


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